http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxHcx7FO8nI
OH my God. Special. That was Special. Too Much, Too Young, that's me . . . and the Kingmeister.
Wop it to 'em Danny boy. Think of every excuse under the sun not to start a race. Go through the tapes, undo your nuts so your wheel is lose. Even tell Donk if he holds onto your dirt deflector, you'll give him a fiver.
Pretend you've got a cold, or your flies are undone. I don't care.
Give those Panthers a 12-point lead and then whip their backsides.
Too Much, Too Young, oh yes Starsky, Tobi, Tobi, Tobi. Da Too Much Da Too Youngensprocket.
And what about Heeerrrreeee Weeeeeeeeee Gooooooooooo Simmo? The man's becoming a living, breathing, eating, 12ft. tall legend.
What team manager could have come up with a plan: "Hey Wobbly Boys, game on. Give them old Panther boys a 12-point start and then nip past them in the final race.
"Do it and I'll come round and paint your chimneys."
BRILLIANT, COMPLETELY BRILLIANT.
I'll tell ya. My little booby Witches boys had me going. I thought you were going to lose for about 14 heats you little Poker Faces you.
Trog's bird, lucious Lucy almost swallowed her Twister lolly when the Kingman and Hamps roared away in heat 15.
And as for Lucy's sister, Bex, well . . . I thought she was going to pop. Too Much, Too Young that girl.
++++++++++++++++++++
HAMPS. I love you. No tongues, but loads of chocolate sauce and sprinkles.
Swidders, now let's sit down here.
I didn't name my fantasy football team Swidders United for nothing. I don't have a cat called Swidderspuss for no reason. I don't even make my wife put a little sticker over her Chanel No.5 perfume, so as to block out the word Chanel and replace with Swidders No.5, for nothing.
My mum bakes me little Gingerbread men with big noses and my hamster, Ronnie, has been given a new circle to go round and round in because he reminded me of you.
But come on, what's the matter? I know you like Peterborough, but remember they didn't want you last season, we did.
We made you, we cuddled you, we even made you rider of the season (OK, so you were the only Pole that attended the end of season do, but come on the sentiment was there).
NOW PULL YOUR BLOODY FINGER OUT!
+++++++++++++++++++
EVEN JL was smiling after heat 15. Well I think he was smiling.
He's had his teeth done you see. I'm not sure whether he's in pain or just happy to see me these days.
And as for Finger Bob Loobie. Our rider/manager/greenkeeper/bar attendant/deputy skipper/Team GB assistant/Sky man/Old Tom Cobbly and all, was so confident of the Witches going 12 behind and coming back to win the last heat in one of the most exciting meetings of the DECADE, he sodded off to Wolverhampton.
Hope it didn't rain too hard Loobie! It was lovely at Foxhall, especially after heat 15, and you missed JL say "drinks all round" at about 9pm as he locked up.
++++++++++++++++++
I WENT to Eastbourne Saturday night.
What a waste of time. Do you know down South all the refs are women? Well it seems that way.
Boomsuckers I say.. Boomsuckers and rumble strips.
I said to my wife on Saturday morning: "Oi doll. Fancy reffing a speedway meeting tonight at Eastbourne?".
"Get lost," she replied.
"Anyhow I can't. I've got all the Sunday veg to prepare, like most women are surely doing on Saturday evenings!"
Oh my wife, such a wag and ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh sooooooooooooooooo old-fashioned. Who would suggest such a thing?
Certainly not Starsky, as the Schrammeister whipped both his legs, front wheel, dirt deflector and back wheel away at Eastbourne, on his way to staying in the heat, while Starsky got excluded.
No misses No. Pass me the Yorkshire Puds!
+++++++++++++++++
AND FINALLY, are your fire extinguishers out of date?
Rocket propelled suction pumps, mine are. So are JL's.
I love fire extinguishers me. Kiss and cuddle, kiss and cuddle
Too Much, Too Young.
++++++++++++++++
When I'm calling yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?
I'll give you 12 points start I willlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
LOVE IT. LOVE IT SO MUCH I could milk it.
+++++++++++++++++++
WAS that not the best meeting you have seen for 123 years? Am I just bonkers? Are JL's teeth nice and white? Do you have a fire extinguisher?
Leave me a comment below.